NOTHING CONTINUE

 SNOW LEOPARD

JOHN45

 

18/06/2009  17:50

 

Dear John

 

If we look at what Xenon of Athene said about how if you want to travel a distance you first have to travel half the distance of that distance and to travel the half of the half distance you have to travel half the distance of that.  And so you carry on until such time you do not move at all.  I think it seems like a paradox, but in the number system we have and the mathematics we practice which leads to our Quantum Physics eventually, it is the same.  There is no continuity to get from the one point in the number system [whether you take it as 0,1,2,3,... or as 1,2,3,...] and as I have shown in previous letters to you, the only thing that is left, is the [0;0], which I called The Point of Balance.

 

But what I want to get to is that if the number systems – which our Quantum Physics for one are based on, are not in continuance, it is in discontinuance.  And if we look at what Xenon of Athene said, then it seems nothing is in continuity or continuance.  So something will be or is in continuity and continuance as nothing is something, namely nothing.

 But nothing continue. 

So something continue, namely nothing!

KIND REGARDS

BIPOLAR SHIFT

 ASLAN – “Chronicles of Narnia”

JOHN44

 

25/05/2009 16:17

 

If there is no more poles, then there can be no more east, north, south or west.  The rotation around the axis of the planet, which run from the one pole to the other through the core of the earth, will have no existence as there will be no poles to accumulate an axis.  No poles, no axis, no rotation.

 

No rotation around no existing axis anymore, and we have no time anymore.

 

Poles consist of the existence of the ice masses it consist of.  It is said that polar shifts cause the ice at the poles to melt and also global climate changes.  But that is also what is said of Global Warming.  But if a BIPolar Shift takes place, then BI Poles will have their ice masses been melted and no more ice masses to give a pole of any sorts, and on a scale where poles are measured as either a positive or a negative, then when the global warming is complete and all the ice are melted, there would be no more positive or negative – no more poles, no more duality.  There would be no more axis as there would be no more poles and no more axis, no more number system as the organized number system we know, run on an axis based level.  So that which ran through the core of the Planet would be touched and changed, the core of the Planet would be changed by a BI Polar Linear [Axis] Shift.

25/05/2009 16:24 OR 424 or a 2 and 44 where 44 is the number combination that is linked for me to the Gamatria of the Hebrew Name of God that means:  “I will be Revealed at Ever Greater Levels”.  And this meaning for the number combination is found on page 71 of the book of a Rebbe in Jewish Kaballah and the Beginning minutes is 17, a form of the 71 number combination.

 

 

FIRST LETTER – BIG BANG AND BIPOLAR SHIFT

Everyday has got a name.

 

19/05/2009 9:05AM where it is exactly one month before it would exactly be 7 years since that day my whole life changed in one second [or not even in time] and I got shot.  But also it is exactly 1 year and 5 months or a 15, since I had another huge experience which I so far did not discuss exactly as I feel embarrassed

 

Dear Friend

 

These thoughts I am going to discuss now have already been discussed in some way before, but not this way.  What happened on the night of 19/12/2007 I am not sure up to this day.  But people in the surrounding area were effected and apparently things happened in our yard even that was kind of miraculous or unbelievable.  I just felt hugely embarrassed about the whole event although i received the following from that event.

 

The Sun or in Afrikaans, Son, is said by mankind to consist/”exist” only of Helium.  But those who still believe in the “Big Bang Theory” in Science believe now that the first particle could have and might have well been the Helium particle.  But what I was shown on that night of 19/12/2007, was that if you take the letters of the word Helium and you take the Word Sun and Son [where take into account that it is said in the Christian Bible that The Son of God/Man is also the Word] and you take that their inner parts is a “u” and an “o”, and if you take the word “helium”, and if you shuffle the letters of the word “helium” a bit and you take the first letter, namely “h” out first and keep it on the side, you get “elium”.  Now if you add the “o” in the third position of “elium”, you get “eloium”.  But if you now take the “h” and bring it back and put it next to the “o”, you get “elohium”.  But as I said:  The Sun in English uses the “u” and in Afrikaans it is the Son.  So if you replace the “u” in “helium” with the “o” and shuffle it all around to “elohium”, and you then just take out the “u” as it was replaced by the “o”, you get The Word:  ELOHIM.

 

So if you take the Big Bang Theory, and what they say which is supposedly the first particle, it was shown to me on the night of 19/12/2007, that it All came together, whether by way of Big Bang or by way of the direction Science is going now in Physics with String Theory, in which ever direction it goes, it All came about by way of ELOHIM.

 

And after this was shown to me, I had a vision of pastel coloured Beings who was flying across what seemed like The Sea and they erected “poles” in such manner that there were four corners in that space I saw.  But as I said, that was only a vision and could mean anything.  As it can have something to do with direction being set after ELOHIM Created but that is All just speculation.  All I know is that I after that night of 19/12/2007, received the words to write down of the Creation process itself.  And someone asked me but why do I use God as the word Nothing?  And I said it is simple as to distinguish between God and us, God is something different from us.  And to use the word Nothing in all my work made it so much simpler for us to understand the Creation Process and how that God principle actually works.  As to us in this Creation God is known as “I am”.  But as I have been to the place after the shooting incident where there is nothing, I never thought of it this way, but that is the place where there is no “I am”.  So that is the Original Place where even God come from before coming into Creation where God become something, namely as was said to us in the Bible, “I am”.  But the definition for the word “Nothing” is:  Nothing is Something, namely Nothing.  And that explains it all.  As God is in Nothing no more “I am”, but Nothing is also Something [or then, "I am", in this Creation coming down from the Nothingness], namely Nothing.

 

And that would be eventually the only way we can understand how Creation took place.  To take the Word literally in a much different way than we use it in everyday life.  As I can understand why it is said that Everything was Created by way of The Word.  As in that literally way, it really happened that way.

 

Anyway, someone came and kept me before I could actually start writing, but as I said in the beginning of this letter:  Everyday has got a name, and this letter is the name of the beginning of this day of 19/05/2009.

 

KIND REGARDS

Renee

19/05/2009 9:52AM and 52 is the Sacred Number of the Mayans, but 5 + 2 = 7 and the years of importance for this letter is the year 07 and today, as what happened on 19th in 07, is written down on 19th in 09.  Regarding the months, there are 3, namely a 5, 6 and 12.  And 65 is the amount of dimensions there apparently are in which I can move around in all.  But 6 + 5 = 11 and the 12 11 combination is the number combination that I associated with the day my dog had to be put down.

09:55AM or 5 + 5 = 10 + 9 = 19

 

SECOND LETTER – BIPOLAR LINEAR SHIFT

 

26/05/2009 11:29AM

 

Hi

 

I am like a LION in a cage.  But I guess not a normal lion.  But in my heart I am roaring and in my mind it feels like bursting out like a Super Volcano with Lightning.  I have written about the Bipolar Shift where it is linked to the explanation of what the Edgar Caceys got regarding what the Egyptians and Mayans said about a Polar Reversal.  But it seems a Polar Shift is nothing else than what they now call Global Warming.  But it must be called Global Warming in this Quantum World in Order to Create what is necessary.  The Global Warming will cause the two poles to melt and no more poles – my Bipolar Shift.  But therefore, there will also be no more Axis as there are no more Poles.  As the Axis is only imaginary in our current science because of the created by us called Poles.  But Edgar thought according to the Egyptians and Mayans that to end time and to stop rotation of the Planet, it has to come to a standstill.  But what I have written in the blog now is that because no more poles because of the Bipolar Shift [or then the Global Warming], no more Axis and no more rotation as what can cause rotation if no more Axis.  That is why I said our Quantum 3D is necessary now, as we can only stop having an Axis and therefore no more rotation [without anything having to come to a stop and causing catastrophes] if we do not have anymore poles by way of Global Warming.

 

I see a lot of people fear what Cacey predicted about what he learnt from the Ancient Egyptians and Mayans that the rotation will stop or that time will stop.  But that will happen, but only if you do not understand the undercurrence of our science, will you see disaster to struck.  But it has been implemented that we can “create”, our Quantum Physics Science, and therefore we are the cause for Global Warming [without realization as Divine Order Order Everything Anyway, even our Quantum ability] and put the mechanism there to go over in a safe way to no time by way of just the poles dissappearing and therefore our Science will have to change and disregard that an Imaginary Axis exist around which we rotate.  So no more rotation, no more directions as no more poles.  And no more poles, and no more Axis, no more duality and no more linearity or therefore a numerical system.  And that is why the Core will be resolved as well.  As the core of the problems lie in the numerical systems.  But this could only happen this time.  That is why in the times of the Egyptians and Mayans they had an Ice Age.  And kept on having poles.  But this time around, in 2012, the structure of the Cosmos is going to be of such nature that the Core will be Restored in All ways.  That is the Alignment I think the Mayans saw coming but did not really understood what it involved.  What the outcome is going to be, I do not know except that no more duality and the core of Everything being restored.  Maybe Earth is the Base Chakra of the Alignment in 21/12/2012 to be the one who has to set straight the Core of Everything the way I explained above and in the rest of the things I wrote so far about the number system and about our science and Quantum Physics and all the basics.

 

I do think though that the understandings I am receiving are of GREAT SOURCE.  But what is expected of me that I am so pushed into the situation I have been pushed into now?  How can I do things right?

 

KIND REGARDS

Renee

[Aslan Lion Love]

26/05/2009 11:57AM

ASPECTS OF CREATION

JOHN43

 

21/04/2009 5:12AM

 

Dear John

 

My mind went off now into something else.  I told you how every WORD must reach its full potential?  Well, I have been confronted in a nice way but a real way, with the following word:  Crime.  And what my experience of it is at this stage is that to reach its full potential and we look at the current situation in the world, those that have good credit records will be the target so to speak of those who are meant to do the word justice, namely the word “crime” to its full potential.  And it will reach certain levels to reach its full potential.  And I used the word target, as that word has to come into its full potential as well as an offspring of the word “fight” which has to come into its full potential too, which we have had ever since the Bible times where we had Cain and Able.  So all of these concepts embodied, has to come into its full potential.  This can be quite scary as even the word/concept “scary” and the word/concept “worse”, has to come to its full potential.  Even potential has to come to its full potential.

So can you see why everything is the way it is?  Now even the word “crime”, which was born the day the first law was written, can reach its full potential.  Now this leaves many paths open to explore.  As first, why did laws come into being at all?  As what words did it necessarily brought about?  But it seems we have reached that point where we are not in the process of creating new words/concepts, we are now in the process of fulfilling the fullest potential of all words/concepts that came about since it all started.

 

That leaves me with the following:  Are we then evolving anymore?  As we are not in the process of creating all the necessary words/concepts anymore?  I do not know if you understand what I mean? 

 

Somehow something has come to an end of some sorts, as now we are only fulfilling whatever is in existence.

 

Even “Everything” has to come to its full potential.  This is VAST, this is major.

 

And “Everything” that is in existence, is there to fulfill existence itself.

But another one that must then reach its full potential, is:

 

Nothing must reach its full potential.

 

This is contradicting “Everything” and brings the word/concept “contradiction” to its full potential.  And this is the good news.   But also one of the build in mechanisms in Creation for “Everything” to just be as well.   As this is the only way to describe the understanding that the above words is Good News.  All that can describe it is that the above is Good News.  Creation is so VAST that this makes it such good news this early hours of the morning.

I hope this makes sense to you.  As sometimes I sense a lot more I think than these few words written down here and sometimes, like with the above words, something opens up for me in a moments out of time, and I have a sense of it, like that these words are good news.  But then again it only become these words and I do not know if it will open up for anybody for a moment or so to have some kind of understanding of a different kind for a moment?  But this in itself is a fulfillment of some concept, the unspoken word.  As it seems these words only, does not make sense or the sense, the total sense in its full version.  But these words are the words that make the sense or is suppose to make the sense.  It seems it is all about sense also, isn’t it?  And in the End, Everything Just Is/Was and Has Been.

KIND REGARDS

renee

GODS WINDOW

 Devils Peak Cape Town on 18/19/20 of March 2009.

JOHN35

21/03/2009 8:57pm  or 20:57 or 2012.

 

Dear John

 

I was upset last night because I was only thinking of my own pain.  And I was really angry at God.  Don’t we all get – I guess, some of us just won’t admit to it.  But I was in so much pain about what God put me through – and don’t we all get put through things – that the pain was almost unbearable until I realized something and I word it in an sms to two people. 

The sms as follows:

 

This whole situation is a

CRY FROM GOD 4

someone 2 just realize in

some way Gods

loneliness as God. Renee

Sent: 20/03/2009 21:45 or 9:9 on 20 + 3 in 2009 or 23 in 2 + 9 or 11 or 23 11 or 23 2.

 

John, someday, when it ALL comes together and ALL becomes ONE, it will be ALLONE?  Now what does that say?  Why was these words chosen?  I may be imagining this, but I do think God want to get a kind of message through.  We are all crying about our own pain, but do we take into account what God actually go through?  And I am going to put my ass on the line here and take maybe all the credibility out of everything I have written so far, but people ask questions about God, but they just take it that God is Almighty and so be it.  As humanity we just want the answers to our prayers from an Almighty.  We just want to please that Almighty because we do not love that Almighty, we actually fear Almightyness as it can destroy us.  But who of us has actually ever thought what God must be going through – what does it take then to be Almighty, to BE, the Almighty One with everybody doing things just to please You because You R Almighty.  Not because they love YOU.  YOU R Almighty, why do YOU need love?  YOU have Created Everything, not, why have YOU Created Everything?  Humans just do not go there!!!

 

No wonder knowledge and wisdom got scattered all over the Creation.  As that is not God’s make up.  I remember that night I was taken to what I thought was God’s Window.  And all I saw was pain, no pretty picture.  And till today I am dying and waiting in anticipation to see that beauty from God’s Window.  Yes, that experience was so intense for me that I could not share it with people.  Who would understand.  I mean, I did not even take God’s probable “cry” to show me God’s Window seriously that it could be one of pain?  I thought that was what God was trying to show me, but I thought myself to be vain to think that God would “talk” to me in a manner like that and share something like that with me.  I felt terrible that night too, for God’s sake.  I cried of the pain and used a whole toilet roll to clean my nose from all the crying of all the pain I experienced.  I will also not go into the detail of that experience where I thought I was off to God’s Window, but ended up seeing something different – nobody would take me serious or worse, believe me.  And it was on the 18/10/2003.  And it was exactly 5 months and 5 years later that the events started to trigger the thought to think about God’s Window, how God view or whatever it is called, again.  And 5 the Sacred Number of The White Lions, The Messengers of God.

 

This Creation is Amazing in the simplicity of its complexity.  But us realizing that, whether in what great a sense or on what level, is that enough for God?  To be Perfect, so Perfect that it is actually so, so, beautiful?   And that is what I think is fooling us.  Because, I think God needs love too.  Not to die for your religion!  To LOVE and CARE for God.  TLC.  As look at the letters TLC:

T = 20^th letter of the Alphabet

L = 12^th letter of the Alphabet , but if added, gives 3, so its inverse, 21, will also give 3

C = 3^rd letter of Alphabet, or then, the 21.

This gives us a 2012/21 and 21/12 in 2012 is when the Mayan Calendar ends.  And why do we use the TLC?  Tender Love and Care.  And mind you, the Care comes last, which is first, is Tender Love.

 

To me, all of this is just too much of a coincidence.  But the question will be, if we take what I said seriously, how would we be able to give God Tender Love?  I would be the first to do it if only I knew how, as I will take it seriously.  A friend of mine once said to me with options.  Well, if you do it and its true and you do what you in your heart feel is the right thing, you cannot go wrong.  But if you do not do it because of all kinds of rational thoughts about the abnormality of your thoughts, which might have no sustainability, you would never know if you leave your decision to do something about something if you have done the right or wrong thing.  Where if you do it and it is wrong, then you know and you can change, but if you have not acted at all, it is probably the greatest loss ever.

 

Anyway, you may do with this what you please.  But I am going to put it on the blog.  If everybody read it, then so be it and if they think I am totally nuts – then so be it.  But if God wants to be loved tenderly and I have received that hearts desire to give that to God, then it will be the greatest loss if I do not try and find the way to do it just because I am scared other people will not take me seriously and think I am nuts.

But regarding the number combinations in this Lore, it is interesting to note that the second time I went out of time and space with vehicle and all [and this time I had a witness, a lady named Claire who was a volunteer worker for Linda Tucker at the Heartland of The White Lions in Timbavati] was at the Fish River Canyon [and Linda being a Pisces and we actually for her birthday had to send her a postcard from the Fish River Canyon].  And this took about 45 minutes that we were out of time and space, with my bakkie Charlie and both of us.  And the date was the 18/19 of February 2009, which is exactly 4 months and 5 years [a 45] since that first episode where I went with vehicle and all out of time and space – in order to witness Gods Window on 18/19 of October 2003.  And the 45 give a 9, the number combination of how it all come together.  But it all being on an 18 and 19^th, the same time when the fire was on Devils Peak in Cape Town South Africa and when that volcano erupted near Tonga with an earthquake of magnitude 7.9.  And 7 + 9 = 16, my link to Linda, the Protector of The White Lions, The Messengers of God.

KIND REGARDS

Renee

21/03/2009 9:35PM and this is JOHN35 and the domino I picked up when we moved out of our house in Cape Town where myself and my Dog was so happy, that domino was the numbers 3 and 5.

SIGN in the SKY

 

JOHN33

 

26/02/2009 2:04pm or 14:04 or 144.

 

Dear John

 

I had the following dream in the morning hours of 26/02/2009.  Exactly 4years and 4 months after I discovered that proof that is called “The Balance”.  And 4 years and 4 months gives a 44 – the gamatria of the Hebrew Name of God that mean:  “I will be revealed at ever greater levels”.

 

I jot it down as follow:

 

26/02/2009 12:49PM

I had a dream last night.  There was this “structure”.  And it was anchored in the life below, but it consisted of something similar to a nutshell that was attached to some structure that structured it in life below.  (And remember they saying:  ALL in a nutshell?)  And then I saw a sign in the sky and then this whole structure came tumbling to the ground.  And it destroyed.  I just saw a lot of fatalities kind of.

 

Then I was talking to people about this, telling them about this nutshell – but as if nobody wanted to listen!  And then I was at this airport kind of place again and again I saw the sign in the sky – this time only it turned into a very, very bright Light.  And my thought was just the word “GOD”.

 

And then the structure collapsed again.  That ‘s where this dream ended as well.

And then there was another dream where some kind of leaders were called out and I was the last to be called out.  So I went to stand in the row with the others, but I took the Second Place – the first place was my equal, but just a male version and he was some leader of the past.  And I still thought to myself, but am I now the head girl, as I was put next to him and he was the head boy – even if it is in the past?

And then this dream ended right there.

26/02/2009 12:55PM

And this is the dream I had in the early hours of this morning John.  Thought that Light, which was the sign in the sky eventually, was beautiful.  But I doubt if the others saw this Light – those that were with me in my dream?

 

I also discovered a name in the registration number of Charlie.  It is a 421 037 where from the first three numbers we have

21 – the 21^st letter of the English Alphabet is U

4 – the 4^th letter of the English Alphabet is D

 

But from the 037 we have that 3 + 7 = 10, which gives a 010 which can be either 10 or 01 and:

10 – the 10^th letter in the English Alphabet is J

01 – the 1^st letter in the English Alphabet is A

 

So if you add the J and A in front of and at the back of the U and D, you get J UD A or JUDA.  And remember still what the 37 is all about?  CY or see why!  So I must C Y my number registration number is 421 037 and the answer seems to be it has got something to do with JUDA.

 

And last night, as I was traveling through the Mountains, I saw in my mind’s eye some tablets with written stuff on it.  First I thought it must be hieroglyphics from the Pyramids.  But I was mistaken as it turned out to be the Tablets with the Ten Commandments.  And the following came to mind:

 

The day the first Law was written, the thief/sinner, was born.

 

But the people of JUDA so fiercely prayed to God to just give them an indication of how to please God that God ultimately had no other option than give into their prayers – as God always listen to our requests that we send God in prayer.  So us, as humankind actually asked for “Laws” and therefore were ourselves the initiators of becoming ‘sinners’.

And as this realization came to me, we nearly hit a Shepherd DOG, but luckily my friend driving, missed the DOG and the DOG was safe.

 

But on 19/02/2009 at 15:32, I thought the following thought:

The White Lions have everybody up in arms because they (allow) are being interbred with the tawny lions and their genetics are now getting confused.  So what are these White Lions trying to do in one instance?  The system that is linked to this confusion is called in science, “genetics”.  But now it is in some way linked to confusion by way of the White Lions allowing humankind to interbreed their so called “genetics” with those of the Tawny Lions.  So are they also confusing a system or what?  I was so surprised at this undercurrent I discovered in the pattern of what The White Lions, the Messengers of God, are doing!!! !!

Anyway,  this so much for JOHN33.

26/02/2009 2:14PM which gives from the time a 14:14 or an 11 14 combination as 2 = 1 + 1  or 11 and the 14 linked to the Balanced DOGOD.  But the 11 14 combination linked to Valentine’s day.  And today is a 26, the inverse of 62 which is the link to my ideas of Global Warming linked to Einstein and Quantum physics.  But 2 + 6 = 8 where 8 is the Weaver of Fate.

The HEART of a LIONESS

 

JOHN31

 

15/02/2009 13:01

 

Dear John

 

I just had what I thought was the opposite experience of the Nothingness.  But it seems it was the opposite feeling of the Ultimate Good, namely the Ultimate Bad.  But if you go and look at JOHN30 (which is describing my experience as I was having it right at that moment), you will see that in the first place, there was hope.  Hope that nobody else ever have to go through this experience again.  But hope was there hope.  Then there was some kind of love.  As in some way it must be some kind of love to hope for this feeling to never be the experience of anybody else ever again.  And in it all there must have been faith – as I was talking to God in order to bring forth the Hope and Love.  So this makes of this experience of the Ultimate Bad feeling, there still stay something good.  Never is good lost.  The good is always there.  So even the Ultimate Bad, is Good – or linked to Good.  That brings into Balance, by way of experiencing it myself, the feeling of Ultimate Bad is Good.  So therefore there is only good, even in the feeling of Ultimate Bad.  So in the experience of these human feelings, we have that the experience of the Ultimate Bad holds forth the Good in itself and therefore bring this feeling into Balance, into the Point of Balance, namely the Point [Good;Good], as even in the experience of the Ultimate Bad, there was Good.  And from Good we have that the experience of Good, the Ultimate thereof, is in the Nothingness eventually.  So this brings the Point [Good;Good], to The Point of Balance, namely the Point [0;0], where 0 is Nothing.  This also apply on the Ultimate Negative, also end up in something positive or then, the [positive;positive], where this is linked to [good;good] and therefore bringing the Ultimate Negative and Positive into the Balance Point, namely the Point [0;0].

 

But here is the words as I was in that moment of experiencing the Ultimate Bad!

               

JOHN30

               

                (The Holy Grail)

15/02/2009 12:12Pm

 

 

I am experiencing at this moment the Ultimate experience of Pain you can experience.  For the sake of all the individuals involved that was part of this process to lead to this, I will not tell who they are and what happened.

 

All I can say is that:  After I have been shot, I was in the Ultimate of Good.  The part where there is nothing but Peace and Harmony.

 

But I descended again from there, a piece was torn from there and put into my body again and I was given life again.  Now I am stuck and feel so stuck.  No way out – worse than a trapped animal as you cannot even surrender to death, although you want to.  You are a human being but although between a lot of people, you are forsaken.  You carry only but guilt.  You carry only but pain.  You carry only that you are human, but that you cannot even take your own miserable life as God would send someone to get you or not let you die.  So you must stay here on this, in this, lowest plane.  The descend of Ishtar.

 

It is of such nature to experience the Ultimate Pain that you cannot put it in words.  But I guess someone had to do it.  And it can only happen when you are someBODY as only when you become nothing and not anybody anymore, can you experience the Ultimate feeling of Good.   So you have to ascend from yourself.  Loving yourself only lead to the Ultimate Pain of Nothingness part opposites.  Only if you give up the self love or love in general, when you are stuck between all that has made you a prisoner without being a prisoner, then you can become to experience the Ultimate Pain.  You feel so lost as you cannot even escape yourself.  And you come to such point that you even give up wanting to do that.  YOU JUST GIVE UP!!!!!  All that you are: PAIN, GUILT, LOST, LONELY, STUCK.  And the worst:  No way out!

 

The religious group, the Christians, speak of a hell.  I feel sorry for those who must go there.  If I feel like this – it must be quite the same feeling in essence.  My only prayer is that God never send anybody to hell!!!

 

I am here now, what I have done to be here, I do not know.  But while I am here I can only pray to be the only one to be here forever – and let nobody else ever land here.  Even though I am forsaken, I just pray that nobody end up feeling like this ever!!!!!!!  Please God, take this away in order for nobody to ever have to land in this situation ever again!!!!!!!!

Someone is here now, so let the others just go to the Good.

 

Renee/Aslan

 

But this was JOHN30 and this is JOHN31 and 30 and 31 gives 61.  My link to Lore and Linda.  But 1 + 6 = 7 and 6 + 1 = 7.  And 7 + 7 = 14.  And 14 is my link to my Dog, whom I lost, but where the Dog and its inverse, namely DOGOD,  gives the 1441.  And JOHN30 was the build up to 14/2/2009 that culminated in those words as expression of how I was feeling as a cause of the all that lead to 14/2/2009.  But 14/2 is also the 14 11, the one that is linked to my accident on 22/11.  But I guess I can carry on with the links as much as I like, but what is the purpose of JOHN31 (which is totally linked to 14), is that this bring into Balance the feeling of ULTIMATE BAD being Good or having in its essence still Good.  And JOHN31 is linked to 14, which give the 31 14 or Zep Tepi.  My link to Linda also.  Again, links and links.  But in it all it stay Linda and Lore.  The “Lady’s of the Lake”.

Renee

15/02/2009 1:20PM or 12, the number of Fulfillment.

CONFUSED Organised Systems!

Bird Project

 

JOHN28

 

Dear John

 

07/02/2009 11:14AM

 

The scientists make claims of extinction – whether it is by way of global warming or global dimming of everything they examine.  I remember (and this is not even the fault of global dimming or global warming) how I read when I was still a young child and wanted to know where Everything came from, how I read about how our Sun of our Solar System is in the process of burning out which will have as a cause not only the extinction of our Sun, but our whole Solar System.  And that is applicable – according to the science of that time, to all Stars.  That they will eventually burn out and become extinct.  But there are a lot of extincted Stars found out there already – those that have already burned out.  But they still seem very real to me?  Maybe I should look at the word “extinct” first?

 

But what I want to get at is this conversation I also overheard the other day of a man that said to a woman that there was some ancient city, “but do you know, how civilized this civilization was?” he asked her.  And I am thinking to myself, but if everything was so civilized, why isn’t it anymore today?  Where did it go if it was that civilized?  Why did it fail?

 

And then I realize a pattern.  Of how even the conspiracy theorists are put here for a purpose together with the scientists.  They have got to predict extinction.  But what they do not realize is that even if they predict extinction, what is that extinction they are predicting?

 

And then I am taken to this lady from the Bird Project that instigated all these thoughts with me whom I spoke to on the phone again.  She is having people all over the country taking “data” to form a prediction at some later stage from it.  And I asked her what the prediction was.  And true as nut, her answer was something to do with the extinction of something.  But then I started talking about global warming and global dimming and she said to me the following:  Do not trust “all the information” you get on the internet!  Well, the truth is, you can, as it all was done and all was given for a reason and no knowledge is not knowledge.  As knowledge is knowledge.  But that is where the Binary system comes in.  It is accepting the [0;1] effect or then, the state of mind of mankind that I call the state of mind of the World of Opposites.  But this Binary System is holding all this contradicting information to show mankind its own state of mind!!!!!

 

One guy once said, if you walk on air (he sky walks), all you have in mind is to get to the next point.  You never look back.  But because you never look back, you get to the point 1 (from the story of Xenon of Athene) from the point where you started, the point 0.  So this gives from what this guy said, if you do not look back, that you get from point 0 to point 1.  Which is according to me the basic principle of the State of Mind of Mankind called the State of Mind of The World of Opposite.  But when you look back, like if scientists look back into science to where they started, the whole system of mathematics, the number system, the basic number system of 0 to 1 or 0,1,… – then you see that it could never have been.  And Xenon of Athene showed us that.  Accepting a number system at all caused a lot of trouble as The Point of Balance, as I showed, is actually [0;0] where there are actually no numbers involved, or no number system involved.

 

And it served a different purpose as well.  To cause man to form all these systems (money and all the categories it involves that cause any kind of system, science and how many departments have we got underneath science that are different systems?) to even hide the confusion more.  As if everything are in systems, the question will be, but where is the confusion?  As we have categorized the world, look, it is in systems!!  Idiots will believe that the systems are a sign that the world are organised as this organised systems are actually just hiding their own confusion of how confused everything became for a reason. 

 

But “systems” only SEEMS to be a organised world as they are only the hidden agenda for chaos.  This means that order (the systems) are actually chaos.  And as we have seen, the Eye of The Tornado is Peace or then Balance.  This put the “opposite” of order and chaos in the point [0;0] as Order is Chaos and in the Middle of it all is Balance/Peace.

 

But all happened as it should have happened.  As if it did not happen the way it happened, I would never have been able to discover what I have discovered so far.  Especially the effect I call, the Bigger Picture.  Finding the Point of Balance, namely the Point [0;0].  But all needed to be this way to end as well in some way so my picture I saw in my head when I first read as a child how the Sun and all the Stars will one day burn out – a piece of paper drifting off in space with words that once meant life.  And I was given the opportunity, because of all these number events that were created in history to confuse mankind but also in the end to give them the truth, (as that is how The Creator works – through confusion the confusion shall be set free), the Point of Balance where I have been where there actually is Nothing but NOTHING.

 

07/02/2009 11:46AM and 4 + 6 = 10 which give 11 and 10 or 111 and the time me and that lady who channelled The White Lady’s message to me arranged, was from 4 to 6 on the 24^th of December 2008.  And this is JOHN28.

11:48 or 11 and 12 combination where 12 is fulfilment but also the 11 12 combination linked to the day my dog died on 7/5/2008.

The HEART of my BEING

godzilla

 

JOHN27

 

31/01/2009 11:02AM (South African Time)

 

By mistake it was first thought for nearly a weak that this was John24, meanwhile it is already JOHN27.

 

The Creator created from Nothing.  When The Creator gets tired of Everything and stop Everything’s Existence into Nothing again, then all that will be left will be The Creator and Nothing [else].  But this will still be an Existence and The Creator wants ALL Existence to End, for Nothing to be left and right.  So The Creator must stop its own existence also and become NOTHING for ALL Existence to End.  And never again can there then be any kind of Creator.  As The Creator is nothing and has got no Existence anymore as Nothing has existence anymore.  And only if Nothing has Existence, can Nothing else exist anymore.  So something must have an Existence, namely Nothing.  How lonely is nothing going to be being only nothing.  But it would not be lonely, as it isn’t something either, as it is nothing and it can be something or not.  So by choice and by these words, it can become nothing in its true sense after ALL Existence has been cleared.  When Nothing ends being something and become its Full Nothing.

Then Nothing is NOTHING.

31/01/2009 11:10AM (South African Time)

 

31/01/2009 11:21AM

Once upon a time i realized how self love was destroying the world and i gave it up.  This developed into me giving the care inside me to such extend that i developed a care so deeply for someone, that i was willing to pay the Ultimate Price for Him for His Ultimate Well Being, that someone being my DOG. 

And that price turned out to be to live/exist.

31/01/2009 11:23AM

 

 

The Bigger Picture of my Unconscious by way of Constellation therapy.

 

2009/01/13 12:41PM

 

Hi Andrea

I wrote a letter to give you feedback on something I think you should know – how powerful the constellation work you do can be!  And I quote it as follow:

 

 

2009/01/13 11:47AM or 11/11

 

Dear Andrea

 

I have received the answer that was brewing in my chest as I was with you yesterday.  You wanted me to put myself down (in the constellation part), on the ground.  But what my guides made me do, was to put me in two worlds (the two carpets).  That was you working together with them to show me that you were working with a scenario and I was working with a different one guided by my guides.

 

You know what your scenario was, but I want to explain to you mine.

 

There were two carpets.  I chose one and as I said to you, the spreaded wings of the eagle on my belt is for me linked to the Heart of the Tornado/Horus/Ra.  But my life is like a tornado sometimes.  But I chose one carpet as the world.  In that world, the outside is where the chaos of the tornado reins.  That is where I put my brother (or rather where my guides made me put my brother).  And with him I put the money and the land – as the outside part of the tornado is where the chaos are and I was shown that my hunge is correct that part of the chaos is money and land.  My mother I specifically put in the middle or in the eye of the tornado (world).  As I want her to find peace (my earthly mother), but my Original Mother IS the Eye of The Tornado.  (Interpret this as you wish).  Myself I put in the middle of the fan on the top of all this.  From here the fan spread (and being in the middle of the fan is also again being in the middle of the tornado as I put my dot in the middle of the pillow as well which all spells out the Eye or Peace) whatever it is I am spreading across Everything.  And as I said I have indicated in two ways that it has got to do with The Eye of The Tornado or with Peace or with my Original Mother (the Feminine Divine) which is the relation to me that I am spreading for my Original Mother the Peace right across Everything.

 

In your scenario you worked with this earthly plane and where I am angry with my father.  But in my scenario my guides did something unthinkable.  I put my Original Father in a place where there is no fire, but I did not want to “smudge” my Original Father (this is now from my scenario with your constellations) with the ashes so I BALANCED my Original Father on that device that was carrying the ashes that once was fire.  So I have put my Original Father in a position of Balance again in my scenario and that is what I am busy with (or what my guides wanted to relate to me what my task is I am busy with).  But to put my Original Father in that position of Balance again, with the ashes of fire beneath it, I am spreading across the Everything (from the middle of the fan on the top of Everything) something that can only come from the middle, namely peace as my link to the middle is the middle of The Tornado, which is my middle as well and is also linked to my Original Mother – where She is and She is the One I love and for Who I am giving this Living life for.  Yes, I told you, to die for something is easy, but to live for something is difficult.  Especially if you have to live in the two worlds as you showed me by asking me to put myself on the ground and my guides organizing me to put myself in two worlds simultaneously – where my Original Mother is not even in that “other” world a part of me were/are in.  Your words it must be very difficult for me this life, is so true.  But this is my task.  To spread that peace that is my core to put “our” – yours and mine – Original Father into that Point of Balance.   And maybe I was taken to you yesterday as I put my Original Father in that Point of Balance.  The act was exercised yesterday as I was with you, so it might mean that the act was “volbring” already.  As yesterday was a 12/12 and I said to you in the card that was chosen to you by my guides, that 12 is the number of Fulfillment.  Maybe it is just that the fan must be switched on for that act where my Original Father has been put in a place of Balance, needs to be spread about the Everything, especially about this world which is like a tornado, where my brother, very much of this world and with money and land, is in the chaos.   Maybe the Winds of the fan can spread that (which was written to put my Original Father in the Position of Balance again) across the chaos for the chaos to not be chaos anymore.

 

So that was why I was taken to you yesterday to get some answers from your constellation work.  Although you were working with one scenario, I was literally working with a cosmic scenario where constellations are really found.

Thank you for your help yesterday.  And thank you that I liked you.  Thank you that you reached out to touch me, but thank you that you asked if you may, but I am not allowed to be touched [as I am part of a fan which can be dangerous as fans can be dangerous to touch when they are at work].   Sometimes I feel I need it, but it is not allowed and I will accept that, as I accept my fate of being alive and doing what I am suppose to be doing whatever it takes from me.  All of this mentioned now, is difficult.  But it is all to put The Original Father in/on The Point of Balance.  And I proofed it to myself yesterday and you were the witness of all this.  Of all this being revealed to me by Divine Order.  By all your furniture and tools used in the Constellation therapy, being the way they are/were to give me metaphorically the result above.

KIND REGARDS

 

End of JOHN24

31/01/2009 12:47 or 12:11 number combination, the number combination I associate with the day my dog died on 07/05 in 2008.

The Heart of Numbers, The HEART of NOTHING.

JOHN26

 

04/01/2009 7:55PM or 19:55 and Lore was born in the year 1955.

 

Dear John

 

According to Mathematics, the limit if the function x near 0, is neverending.  So mathematics in itself, and therefore Science as a whole, as Science in Physics and Astronomy and other sciences are using mathematics to proof their theories, say that on the Cartesian Plane, if you want to have the function of x to near 0, in Analytical Mathematics the limit is neverending – so the function of x will never reach 0 or a state of balance.  That is why chaos will rein until such time Science and Mathematics have accepted they have a [mess]conception of the Truth.

 

And this is JOHN26, where 62, the inverse of 26, is linked to Global Warming and Einstein or then the Quantum Principle and therefore linked for me to the State of Mind of the World of Opposites.  And not getting into balance.  Unless something happens and Human see what an idiot he has been to not see what he has been [mess]taken.

 

KIND REGARDS

04/01/2009 20:01 OR 8:01PM and 8 + 1 = 9.  But from 20:01 we have 2001 and from the year, 2009, we have 2 + 9 = 11 and from the 8:01, we have a 9, or a 9/11 or 11/9 and 2001.  But from the 20:01 we also have a 21 and from the date, we have a 04/01 or a 14 or 41 combination.  And this 21 or 12 combination combined with the 14 41 combination is linked to the date of birth of Joan of Arc, namely 1412.  And we had another birth, the birth of Lore, in the time of the Beginning Time.

 

The email to accompany JOHN26

 

2009/01/04 8:08PM

 

Hi John

 

Attached is JOHN26, but what I wonder is how the Sciences manage to find equilibrium in our Solar System if in some basic assumption in their mathematics that underwrite their theories of Science in general, there is no balance at all ever possible?

 

Something somewhere about Science does not make sense and I have been trying to get it out in the world now for how long, but all seems to be a worthless effort.  I even understand what the consequences of it ALL can be.  Maybe not in total, but what is necessary to know.

 

I get frustrated with this as the helium the sciences have made the Sun consist of and that are in a way poisonous for a human, is just killing me.  I can barely take it any longer.  How much longer must this go on?

 

REGARDS

Renee

2009/01/04 8:13PM turning 8:14PM which gives the 13 and 14 of the Zep Tepi coordintaes combination.

 

Second Part of JOHN26

 

Dear John

 

The First Part may not make sense, but look at this. 

I have had these ideas about the binary number system being not totally “cosure” to call it the least.  And the last few months it has been brewing in the back of my mind how computers are based on that.  And I started out thinking how Einstein and Newton was wrong and the book “The Final Theory” just came out a month or so ago and scientists are now testing and questioning this guy’s claims.  He is an accepted Physicist in the science community.  I have been waiting to jot down this “proof” about the binary number system being “insufficient” as I feared exactly this – that we might all end up being out of communication should it get into the system of some kind of this “matrix” of “Universe” we call “reality” we live in. 

I feel Everything is going to end up a disaster – as if we need to stop something from happening, or maybe just find the way out?  Exactly, the WAY OUT!  Sorry, that was meant for me but I leave it with you as well.

 

It seems to me that those the furthests away from the chaos, the closest to The Peace, are the ones getting hit the most by the Chaos.  Or feeling it.  Those in the Chaos are too chaotic anyway to realize it even.  But those getting closer to The Peace, they seem to feel/realize the chaos so I think we need to ask for Protection for them to get to The Peace in Peace without being caught up in The Chaos.  This might not make sense to you now, neither does it now to me, but I will read it again after I have emailed it to you.  Maybe later on it will make some sense. 

 

Find Peace and then leave Peace in Peace!! !!!

 

Ok, I hope the above worked.  AS something was given to me, kill “something” and then kill kill to get rid of kill and therefore never for something to come back again, it has been killed and if kill is also killed, it can also never return, so find peace and then leave peace in peace is the only answer for peace.  As it is all in the words, the way it is being put.

 

So whenever you find your PC and can mail, I hope the PC will be fine soon.

And then under the heading:  RECESSION COMES TO PC MAKERS

19/01/2009 6:36AM

 The subject is also the subject of the “information window” on gmail as I opened it up now.  It was also said on yesterday on the news on the radio that there is expected to come a “blow up” in the internet industry.  I do not understand why – if they expect the internet industry to “blow up” – why is there coming a recession for PC makers?

 

I am just asking, but I think it is this Binary Code thing.  Everything in time is 1 out because there is according to Xenon of Athene, no continuity between 0 and 1 as you can never reach from 0 to 1 as you can never move from 1 point to the next.  As before you want to move from 0 to the half of the 1st point, you first have to travel half the distance.  To do that you first have to travel half the distance of that.  And so on.  So you actually never get to move away from the point of Origin.  This was to show that there is a question about motion, but in the End, it comes down to that you can never get from 0 to 1 or have the number 1 for that MATTER.  And computers and therefore everything with it, are based on the Binary Code.  As your point of The Point of Balance, should be [0;0] anyway, and not [0;1] or [1;0].  And not even [1;1] for that matter as it seems that the number 1 should not even exist.  But this implication have got so many and far reaching consequences, even more than that 1 = -1.  And if the far reaching effects of these two are combined, the whole mankind is in its moer as it will never SEE those effects as they would be too hidden because they are and have such far reaching consequences.  A lot of people are seeing some of the EFFECTS coming through and they mostly get documented as conspiracy theories of some kind.  But they do not see the principle that is the CAUSE of these effects they are witnessing.

Why I am asking is because I am wondering if your PC is still giving trouble?

 Renee

19/01/2009 6:53AM

 

And then the following I received:

 

19/01/2009 7:15AM

The End imply a New Beginning or Beginning/Origin.  But to get to this Beginning/Origin, you first have to have an End therefore.  As also does Beginning imply End.  That gives:  [End;Beginning].

But the Beginning number is 0.

So for Everything to be in the Point of Balance, the End must be the same as the Beginning.  That gives [0;0] as the Beginning is 0.

So End is also 0.  You do not start at 1, you start at nothing as it is said:  Everything was created from NOTHING.

19/01/2009 7:18AM

Ns.  This mean you need not get from the point 0 to 1 as you get from the Origin to the End without having to go from 0 to 1 when Everything is in Balance.

21/01/2009 13:14 – Some form of Zep Tepi.

 

Anyway, John, a lot of this I have done the detail of the proofs already in previous works.  But I guess this last inset in the Second Part, is inclusive enough to proof what I am saying about the Binary number system.  But look what has been happening.  For it to blow up, it can also mean that there could be an expansion in the internet industry.  But I am afraid that the binary systems combined with the human state of mind called the World of opposites, is just too wide spread to explain where and how far reaching its EFFECTS are.  Just think of how the system is already failing because somewhere it has got to be manipulated with the fact that we do not have 1cents and 2cents anymore and the big cash stores has to give either 5cents out and loose 3 cent or whatever, or win from someone.  But how do they justify that on their books?  Does the computer manipulate the figures to suite the big companies?  How do they incorporate this thing if something costs 92 cents and someone pays cash?  Can you see what I mean when I say it has got far reaching effects.  And all because the binary code and the human state of mind of being in a world of opposites is creating a huge “illusion”, if you can even call it that.

Anyway,…..

Renee

21/01/2009 1:39PM and 3 + 9 = 12, the number of fulfillment.

 

A HEART in the TALE.

THE HEART OF THE TORNADO/HORUS/RA

 

JOHN25

 

04/01/2009 13:08 where from the time we have the 13 or 31 combination and the 08, or the 31 08 number combination that Linda asked me about, and from the date we have an 04 and 01 or 41, and then from the year, we have 2 + 9 = 11 or then the 41 or 14 and 11 combination.  The number combination of the date of my accident.  And this the 25^th letter, but from 25 we have the 2 which is an 1 + 1 or 11 and the 5 we have a 1 + 4 or  4 + 1 which gives the 11 and 14 or 11 and 41 combination again.

 

Dear JOHN

 

A long intro for a change again – hardly had one since the Lores.  But always a first, a first with the John’s.  This JOHN25 consist out of JOHN24 and JOHN20 and if you look at these two, they give the 24 and 20 or 24 + 20 = 44.  And 44 is the number combination that is linked to the Hebrew Name of God that means “I will be revealed at ever greater levels”.

 

But here it come:

 

JOHN24

 

A HEART IN THE TALE

 

Dear John

 

Yes, like on the night of 30/12/2008 and morning hours of 31/12/2008, I made an hysterical drama Queen of myself again probably last night.

 

As the Sun was going down on the evening of 30/12/2008, my boss saw a snake entering the shed.  And I have my home in the shed as well.  So my boss said he saw a snake and I went to look and only saw the tail of the snake.  But he couldn’t make out what kind of snake it was – except that it was about 1.5 meters long.  So his wife came out, she is a psychologist and she handled the situation like only a psychologist can.  She asked him if he can handle the situation?  On which he replied:  “no” and off he went into the house and closed the door.  So she stood with me watching this tail of the snake and asked me if I am ok with it?  Well, what could I have said?  I said, yes, I can handle it and off she went after the husband, case resolved.  Everybody that couldn’t deal with it are gone, the one who said she can deal with it, is sharing space with the snake.

 

Then I started thinking to myself, but if I have to get out at night time or even during the day and you do not know where in the shed this snake is or what kind of snake even it is – your mind (or mine for one), would just kill me and make me live in fear because of the unknown of this situation.  You do not know what you are dealing with.  So I phoned a friend that also stays on Cedar Peak and she came and as she came to the shed to come and check out this situation with me, some visitor arrived on Cedar Peak.  And he was willing to take the “nets” that this snake was hiding in, away so we could observe this snake.  But as he was taking the “nets” away, I heard this terrible “hissing” sound coming from this snake.  And he heard it too and left everything and retreated.  I knew there was trouble immediately.  So he said that we should get the neighbor to come and shoot this snake, as it is an aggressive snake so it must be probably a cobra or something poisonous.  It cannot stay in the shed and let alone with people moving around the shed and dogs and so on.  Rather get rid of it – so get the neighbor and let him come and shoot the snake.  But at that stage, even when I heard the “hissing” sound and realized but this is not a good sign, never it crossed my mind to kill the snake.  I knew it had to be removed, but as far as possible from this place so it cannot come back to the shed.  But if it can be relocated a 20 or 30 kilometers away, it might find a new home without being in someone’s shed and standing a chance then of getting shot.

 

So this drama Queen started the act.  The people must have thought me Nuts to even think to relocate the snake.  But luckily my friend started phoning a family member who works at the nature reserve close by and him and the ranger came to Cedar Peak.  Meanwhile, my boss left me with the hysteria of sitting as far as about a meter from this snake in order to check it does not leave the place where we knew it was.  So eventually the people from the nature conservation reserve arrived and they too thought me totally crazy to wanting to catch this snake (which they thought to be cobra) and relocate it.  But I had my mind set on it and I was acting out a drama queen to get my needs fulfilled.  So eventually they went off to their offices as they have got a list of the snake catchers there with telephone numbers.  But the local guy in Porterville, did not want to come out to a farm so far off in the mountains to come and catch a poisonous snake from a shed.  He thought to rather kill it instead too.  I was surprised about this but I told them there is no way this snake is getting killed. 

 

So eventually we received good news from the nature conservation reserve people that some snake catcher from Cape Town is on his way.  This is now round about 21:00 on this night of 30/12/2008.

 

But I thought to  myself.  Well, if I must be a drama Queen, then let me be it properly.  Let the whole of the Western Cape be up in arms because of a very aggressive poisonous snake that some hysterical so thought crazy woman wants saved out of a shed from a far off farm on top of the Cedar Mountains, just because she does not want it shot.

 

So the snake catcher came and caught the snake and he said he was going to release it on the N7 somewhere on his way back to Cape Town, where it cannot be in anybody’s way again.  But according to him it was one of the smallest kinds of Cobra’s you get and they are very aggressive and very, very, poisonous.  But on the morning of 31/12/2008, this snake was safely in her new environment and not shot.  Yes, staying on a farm on the top of the Cedar Mountains and getting a snake catcher from the city of Cape Town in order to save the snake’s life because it went to make nest in a shed.  That sounds a bit extreme, doesn’t it.  But all I know is that the snake that wanted to nest in the shed, her heart is still beating in her tail and she is alive and well.

 

So last night, the drama Queen inside me came out again and I am starting to wonder if maybe I should not consider that maybe I am paranoid in some form or something?  As I had a lot of work stress on Cedar Peak, and as I came home to come and rest, my boss’ dog is with me and I have to take care of him, but he was lying with me in my sleeping quarters but he was breathing very uneasily.  Eventually I realized but I was worried about him this afternoon already with this same kind of breathing pattern I discovered with him.  Something was not right.  And I thought to myself, but there was a piece of meat that his people gave him earlier on the day that he did not eat.  But I also knew he ate his food I gave him for his evening meal.  So I thought to phone the vet.  This guy asks me what his gums looks like and I look at it and I tell the vet what I see.  And the vet tells me it sounds like respiratory problems.  And I had to take him in it was decided eventually.  But when I arrive there, this vet started off by telling me that he just want to give me a few lessons in emergency calls for vets/animals.  You only go to the vet after hours, so it is only considered an emergency, if the dog is already dying.  As the vet told me that emergency calls is only if the dog has been bitten by a snake (adder or cobra – but in which case the dog will not make it from Cedar Peak to the vet anyway, ridiculous I thought as why then bring the dog at all.  But who am I, I am not the vet and the vet says you only bring the dog in an emergency – or then, when it is too late already for that matter) or have tic fever to such extend that the dog is on the brink of dying of this tic fever.  Yeah, how must I know when is the hour of death for the dog if he has got tic fever.  So if he has got tic fever (or when I discover this at night), I must wait until he is in his dying moments for it to be an emergency to take him the about 50 kilometers, via passes in the dark, to this vet who only work after hours for emergencies which he describe as an emergency is only when the dog is not going to make it (if you interpret his words that the dog must actually be dying before you take it to a vet after hours.  And that only mean that the dog must be therefore in its dying moments before you may consider to take it to this town, Piketberg’s vet after hours).

 

So he examines the dog, and find that the dog is only suffering from the stress of the heat and therefore had respiratory problems.  But this is nothing as the dog is not dying and especially it is not a snake bite or tic fever.  So the dog did not get treated, instead it was declared:  It is 100%!? 

 

Now I am wondering what kind of an idiot I am?  To take a healthy dog, which I am still worried about, to a vet after hours and you only take a dog to the vet after hours if it is in a state of dying already.  And the words, “in a state of dying already”, imply that the dog is already therefore on its death path.  So it will die.  But I took an animal, who according to me is suffering still from the stress of the sun on his body and therefore the still respiratory problems, to someone who only treat dead animals.  But I was only looking for a vet to treat this animal for his uncomfortableness.  As this respiratory problem, whatever is causing it, is telling me he is uncomfortable.  And the way he moved around during the night, I realized but he is very uncomfortable and I am an idiot!  As I wanted him to be comfortable, but the vet only treats dead animals?  What a ridiculous world – or am I only a drama queen who cannot take the suffering of animals?  But according to the vet, I am only paranoid because I had a dog which had to be put down eventually as the vet my dog went to told me he was suffering severely and that it would be better to put him down and relieve him from his discomfort.  And because of that, this vet now thinks I am paranoid and I am an idiot.  And in this tale[s], it is only because of my heart that is telling me I cannot handle the discomfort of animals, that makes me this idiot and drama queen and probably been thought of as crazy!

 

But last night I said to myself – I do not want to go on.  I felt I couldn’t go on anymore.  I was finished with the stress of everything and this thing with the dog was just the last thing that made me felt this is not worth being here anymore.  So I asked “The Creator” of Everything, to please relieve me of my duties and let me leave this human, mortal life.  As I do not fit into it.  And then, last night I had this dream:

 

I dreamt I was putting something back in a place and somebody called the “police” as they thought I was doing something wrong.  But I knew I was not doing something wrong, I was only putting something back that needed to be replaced.  Then this kind of police came and what happened after that I do not know, but somehow it got sorted out it seems as the next I knew was that my Father and Mother was in the picture.  And my Mother then spoke to me, very nicely as if she wanted to approach me carefully.  And her words to me was that they asked my cousin to help out, but she didn’t want to (and my thoughts in my dream was, I can understand why, as she does not have the qualifications to help out).

 

And that was what my parents – in specific my Mother, related to me in my dream.  So I cannot be helped out, by someone or for that matter someone to take my place, as they asked someone but this one does not have the qualifications to do it.  And I also remember there were someone sort of with me in the process of putting back something when I was sort of “caught”.  And this person was in a terrible state of shock and was crying so much.  But I just went on doing what I did – which is probably to want to go to the “NO-thing” or to stop existing.  So my Mother tried to tell me nicely that I have to go on as this morning suddenly I have positive thoughts and strength again to go on.  And suddenly I was given something to look forward to as well, or at least, something that makes my heart feel more at peace.  I guess, what a Heart’s Tale?

Anyway

KIND REGARDS

03/01/2009 3:31PM or 15:31.

 

And…..

 

JOHN20

 

22/12/2008 8:38AM

 

MY WORK STRESS

 

Dear John

Maybe I am too concerned with the rules?  As my job is stressing me out!   But I feel I am getting paid and my head is asking me, but in relation to what money is worth today, what are you getting paid?  As why do I feel so guilty?  I am getting paid to do a job,  that is the bottom line for me.  Doesn’t matter it seems how much.  I am just stressing out because I feel I am going to be some nuisance here.  I do not belong here.  And the only way for me to have some sense of belonging here, is to think:  but I am working here, so the owner of the farm owns me.  As he is paying me and

in return I pay him

back by working for him, belonging to him.  So he is buying me, like he bought the pigs.  But therefore I must live like he tells me to live?  But where do you draw the line?

 

By not coping with the stress, I am feeling as if I am steeling from my boss who is giving me permission to be on the planet of the earth and my response is to just go back to the NO-thingness or to even become more than nothing, to become nothing.  So it seems the way I feel stressed out, is that my only sense of belonging is if someone owns me.  For no other matter do I have any rights on this planet or anywhere else?  Not even to be here.  I must just do what the contract with the owner of the farm – who bought the farm with money and now it is his farm, this piece of planet belongs to him, tells me to do.  For other purposes I have got no rights.  I belong to the one who bought me.

So by belonging to this owner of the farm, you are paying to be here in some way or form.  You are paying to be!  But it does not make sense, as

 

I am paying to be here, but I don’t even want to be here. 

I am paying to be, but I do not even want to be! 

 

I am just as an idiot as the ones who are paying the medical aids money in order to receive peace of mind, but also have medical cover.  Meanwhile they must pay in when they go to the doctor still, although they are paying the medical aid a certain amount of money each month.  Why pay the doctor if you pay the medical aid each month to pay the doctor anyway?  But we all do.  We only think we are covered but meanwhile we do not see!  We do not see what an idiot we are.  But I am even more of an idiot, as I pay to be here, where I do not want to be, and then I still have guilt feelings because I feel I do not pay enough and hard enough to be here where I do not even want to be!

Renee

22/12/2008 9:10AM

 

This is the END of JOHN25.

 

KIND REGARDS

04/01/2009 1:15PM or a 25 for JOHN25 as 1 + 1 = 2.